JOKES THREAD

Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

Presents for the Wife
Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks.

After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."

The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?









Getting Raped

5000 men surveyed were asked why they like blowjob's

1% liked warmth
2% liked sensation
3% liked eroticism
94% just liked the peace and quiet!

OnlyOneCT wrote:5000 men surveyed were asked why they like blowjob's

1% liked warmth
2% liked sensation
3% liked eroticism
94% just liked the peace and quiet!

I like them because they are an easy way to make £5

Mr_Miyagi wrote:

OnlyOneCT wrote:5000 men surveyed were asked why they like blowjob's

1% liked warmth
2% liked sensation
3% liked eroticism
94% just liked the peace and quiet!

I like them because they are an easy way to make £5

a fiver fuk me wat can i get for 20nicker

Admin wrote:

Mr_Miyagi wrote:

OnlyOneCT wrote:5000 men surveyed were asked why they like blowjob's

1% liked warmth
2% liked sensation
3% liked eroticism
94% just liked the peace and quiet!

I like them because they are an easy way to make £5

a fiver fuk me wat can i get for 20nicker

anal and I will put it in my mouth after

Mr_Miyagi wrote:

Admin wrote:

Mr_Miyagi wrote:

OnlyOneCT wrote:5000 men surveyed were asked why they like blowjob's

1% liked warmth
2% liked sensation
3% liked eroticism
94% just liked the peace and quiet!

I like them because they are an easy way to make £5

a fiver fuk me wat can i get for 20nicker

anal and I will put it in my mouth after

perfect m8

What made Sunday Evening TV in the 80/90's Fucking Super Smashing Great lol!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHHvl0FnKQE

Just pure class and something the Sky Poker mods would probably find not politically correct!

OnlyOneCT wrote:What made Sunday Evening TV in the 80/90's Fucking Super Smashing Great lol!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHHvl0FnKQE

Just pure class and something the Sky Poker mods would probably find not politically correct!

craig funny as fuck i fell of the sofa m8 classs n1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l86bx-jytK0&feature=related

http://www.megavideo.com/?v=G1BDE88M

Click the red play button close the sponsor page then the play button should turn green! Click it to play! Funny as fook!

Put this in the shed a few week bak - still meks me laugh everytime tho -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4U17cLoAXI
Dedicated to Webby234

What do you say to a muslim woman with two black eyes?


Nothing


Her husband already told her ........................... twice

Mr_Miyagi wrote:

OnlyOneCT wrote:5000 men surveyed were asked why they like blowjob's

1% liked warmth
2% liked sensation
3% liked eroticism
94% just liked the peace and quiet!

I like them because they are an easy way to make £5

LMAO

What's black and screams like hell? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

POTTSY wrote:What's black and screams like hell? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

ahahaha nice 1

Couple driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find it's still breathing but freezing cold. He says "Put it between your legs to warm it up", she says "But it's all wet and it stinks", he says "Well hold it's fucking nose then!".

A foul mouthed ugly common fat woman walks into Asda draggin two dirty brats with her. The Greeter says "good morning madam, what beautiful kids you have, are they twins?", she says "stupid bastard, she's 7 he's only fucking 3 why would you think they are twins dickhead!", Greeter says "because i cant imagine anyone shagging you twice!"

OnlyOneCT wrote:A foul mouthed ugly common fat woman walks into Asda draggin two dirty brats with her. The Greeter says "good morning madam, what beautiful kids you have, are they twins?", she says "stupid bastard, she's 7 he's only fucking 3 why would you think they are twins dickhead!", Greeter says "because i cant imagine anyone shagging you twice!"

ahahah class again mr ct, keep em comin fella

carlos tevez asks his wife"why doesnt our new baby boy look like me?"
she replys"give me a chance i havent boiled the fucking kettle yet!"

daveyzz wrote:carlos tevez asks his wife"why doesnt our new baby boy look like me?"
she replys"give me a chance i havent boiled the fucking kettle yet!"

A YOUNG GUY SPOTS THIS HOT CHICK WITH A LADDER IN HER TIGHTS BEING SMART HE SAYS IS THAT A LADDER IN YOUR TIGHTS OR A STAIRWAY TO MY HEAVEN ?? .. HER RESPONSE WAS QUICK "IT CANT BE TO YOUR HEAVEN COS IVE ALREADY GOT 1 CUNT THERE " !!!!!!

China has announced its team for the Paralympics, including medal favourites Fu Kin Mong, Sim Pal Twat, Wan Lim Gon, Fut Long Tung, Won Kee Eye and Mai Lef Fut.